Red String

The two people connected by the red thread are destined lovers, regardless of place, time, or circumstances. This magical cord may stretch or tangle, but never break.

Once upon a time there was a girl who was comfortable with being alone. She was getting her life together and trying to make something of herself. It was about damn time she got her shit together. She was overly independent but driven. Her friends appreciated that about her but they were always trying to get her to date and to go out and meet people, but she was always hesitant. She had her heart broken before and it was for the best to keep people at arms length – you don’t get hurt that way. A guarded girl, a broken girl she was.

After being pushed into the crazy dating scene, she realized she was definitely going to die alone with a lot of dogs. If these people she was attracting were her options… a whole lot of neewwppp! Bring on the puppies!

Until one day a random conversation was struck up with a total stranger and changed everything.

Bitches Love Batman

I am one to believe in fate. But I believe fate only brings you so far and then it’s up to you to do the rest. I mean she can’t do everything for you you lazy ass, put in some elbow grease.

What started as obnoxious online banter (which I have our first conversation saved and by golly I was a total douche nugget so I have no idea what this man saw in me) led to texting and then some phone conversations. Words just flowed so easily with him. It felt so natural talking and just being friends. I looked forward to texts in the morning and throughout the day. I was laughing more than I had in what felt like years and I loved every bit of it. I missed laughing so much that it hurt.

After a month of intriguing chit-chat, we decided it was time to meet in person (we met on the interweb if you haven’t figured that out yet). After a 3 hour drive I was in his driveway. Oh my lawd, was I nervous. I had butterflies for the entire car ride (3 hours of butterflies feels like Idk if I should vomit, pass out, eat, poop, am I flying yet? all mixed into one).

The weekend… One of the most memorable ones I’ve had. He was such an asshole, but I loved it. I thrived on it. The banter and obnoxiousness that went back and forth – amazeballs. And the body chemistry… Ay caramba! I can’t get enough of that body. Omm nomm nomm! Anybody that knows anything knows that’s the sound of deliciousness in and around the mouth. Wait, what? Yopp, I went there. You’re welcome. Everything just felt so normal, like it was supposed to be this way.

Eventually we made it ‘official’ and I met his 2 boys. They were the most adorable little people I have ever met. So full of life. They made my heart happy. My trips to visit were random, and then went to every other weekend, and soon to every weekend.

I knew he had a past and he had been put through the ringer, we both had. Which as everyone knows can complicate things. But I felt as if we had a connection almost immediately and maybe being broken and completely fucked up, we just gravitated towards each other. I don’t know what it was, but I’m glad it happened. I shared parts of me that I never could with anyone else. This was different, he was different. He let me see parts of him that were off limits to everyone else. Some he still tries to hide, but I can see right through him and he knows it. I feel privileged for this. I know first hand it is not easy letting someone really see you, see the broken and battered pieces of your mixed up soul in it’s most vulnerable state. Let them see all the dark places in you that don’t offer even a hint of light. It’s those dark places that I appreciate the most.

I remember the moment when it finally dawned on me that I had toppled over the cliffs edge. I actually ended up throwing myself into a panic because I had told myself I would never love again. Not like that, not now, not ever. But it was too late. This man had asked for my heart and I gladly offered it up without even noticing.

Have you ever met someone and everything just clicks? I mean, yeah, you have your issues because no one is perfect, but things just seem to make sense. Or maybe you just see things differently than before. That’s what happened with him. He lit a fire inside of me I didn’t know could ignite. I thought that fire had died a long time ago. He had given me a new purpose and added color to my life, painting this crazy beautiful picture mixed with darks and lights. Images of hope and promise. He opened my eyes to new views and ways of thinking. When I have bad days, he’s my go-to. Even if I don’t tell him I’ve had a rough day, just being in his presence makes every worry go away. He soothes my always pondering ADD brain. I love/hate getting advice from him because he’s so brutal sometimes. But sometimes that’s what I need – give it to me straight up. Besides the harshness, it’s with good intentions. You know how there are times when you just need a hug or to be held? I’ve always been pretty independent and didn’t need that, but with him, I can’t get enough. There has never been a moment where I wanted my space away from him. Even though when we argue I say I need my space (because sometimes I just want to be a stubborn pain in the are girl), I really just want him because like I said, he makes everything better. It’s a weird feeling, needing and wanting someone so much. A feeling I’m still getting used to. He still makes me laugh the real kind of giggles. He usually supports me and my crazy ideas, except when it comes to dogs. That’s the one thing we can’t seem to agree on completely. I like short haired pooches, he likes long and poofy. Like I said, every couple has their issues. Our long talks, wanting to travel the world, life expectations, goals, promises, stupid inside jokes, gaming, poking each others insecurities, making fun of each other (mostly him making fun of me), it all just makes sense. It’s why we make sense.

We often forget when we get comfortable with someone that they need reminders of how special they are to you. Sometimes I don’t think he realizes how much he means to me. He’s my rock, the one that keeps me grounded and still makes me laugh so much it hurts. He’s my cheerleader, my tough love reality check, the pain in my ass, my favorite obsession, my storm with a name, my best friend. This man is my world and I am thankful that fate brought us together. He has taught me so much about life, myself, given me the true definition of family. I love waking up next to him every morning. He’s my protector, my dragon slayer, my partner in crime.

Here’s to more untangling. Straightening. Tightening. Of our string. We will not break.

‘I will remember the kisses our lips raw with love and how you gave me everything you had and how I offered you what was left of me.’ – Charles Bukowski

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