Being A Fat

Don’t listen to your inner fatty. She’s an evil bitch.


She will try to sabotage you and your progress the entire way and even after you’ve reached your ‘goal’. I use ” because I feel once you start this journey, you never really stop. But what can you do? You tell that bitch to calm her tits because this is your rodeo now and you push through.

Weight loss… it’s a super hot topic these days and everyone is always trying to find the latest trend and the fastest/easiest way to lose weight. I used to be one of those people when I was younger. I struggled with my weight all through high school, up until my early 20’s. I was always on the Google Machine, ‘How fast can I lose 20lbs’, ‘How to lose weight fast’, ‘Supplements to help you lose weight quick’. I was all about finding the magic fix. I finally got it through my thick head that that kind of magic just doesn’t exist. Guess I have to do things the old fashioned way – actually work out and eat clean. Psshhhtt, lame! But I started working at it. It seemed like a never ending process. And it sucked. I didn’t hate working out, it just wasn’t my favorite place to be. I went to go and get it done and that was that.

FINALLY one day I had an epiphany.

My AH-HAH! moment came to me randomly when I was sitting on the couch. It was like all the sudden my brain just clicked and was finally in sync with my body and my goals. Before when I was working out and trying to eat healthier, my heart just wasn’t in it. I mean I knew what I wanted, but the end result just seemed SOOOO far away and it was discouraging. So although I was making healthier choices and losing some weight, I could have done them better. I should have done them better. But I just wasn’t fully on board yet. I had moments where I was in denial – thinking I was doing everything right, but if I’m being completely honest here… it was totally half-assed.

After my light bulb moment, things just seemed to flow easier. My gym habits improved tremendously. I was always on the interweb, not looking for the magic pill, but learning about the different muscle groups, complex & simple carbs, how to meal prep, workout routines to target certain areas, negative repetitions, how to do a proper squat and use certain machines at the gym (this was one of my biggest fears going into the gym. What if I look like a tardass? What if I’m doing something wrong and I hurt myself? What if I drop the weight? YouTube and were my saviors when it came to answering so many of my questions). There was one time when I was working out and I was really focusing on my form for squats. I was determined to master this – weight on heels, ass to grass (or as low as you can go), booty out. I was going a little heavier than normal, nothing too crazy, but I began to do the wobble. I thought for sure I was going down with the weights. But then this guy ran over and grabbed the bar and made sure I was OK. Dude. I was so freaking embarrassed. I just looked like a total buffoon with my dinky weight and almost biting it. He was one of the regulars too so of course that meant I’d be seeing him again. UGHHHH! To my surprise this guy asked if I was OK and then he said he had noticed me getting more into weights recently and my form was spot on. He told me I was doing well and said if I needed any help with anything to just ask.


Yep. That actually happened. Beefy dude in a bro tank just saved my life and complimented me. There were a few times I actually took him up on his offer when I was lifting heavy and I didn’t want to die. And that’s when my fear of the dreaded gym judging was officially gone. Yea, people are going to notice you. Everybody people watches. But you’re there for you, not for them. So if you happen to look like a walrus on a treadmill or an elephant with dumbbells (like I know I have), who cares! You’re there to transform into a better you. And that takes time and effort. If you’re in the gym, you’re taking the first steps. Kudos to you and your walrus self!

We all know it literally takes looking at cake to gain weight. But it then takes 12 years to get rid of it. Unfortunately that’s how the cookie crumbles. Umm did you just say COOKIE?! GET IN MY MOUTH, OMM NOMM NOMMM! Oohhh, my bad – carrying on then… It will always take longer to lose it, then to gain it. Unfair? Completely. But that just means you’ll appreciate your transformation and progress more since you have to work so hard for it. No, I’m not just saying that either. Of course it sucks balls, but when you start seeing your progress, your before and afters, it makes all the pain worth it. That’s the proud moment right there. And I’m telling you, once you see it… I cried. It took me some time to actually see it for myself. I kept hearing people tell me how great I looked and I was doing a good job, but it doesn’t actually register until you see it for the first time yourself. And then you’re like, ‘Hot digity dog, I look goooooddd!’. That moment is really when everything you’ve been working for finally seems worth it. That’s when all this hard work becomes a lifestyle and not just something to get you to your goals.

About 95% of losing large amounts of weight is mental. You have to have the will power to keep pushing through. I have found the people that have gone through major transformations losing weight, they are the most compassionate, understanding, patient, and strong-willed folks I have ever met. Why? Because this process isn’t easy. There are tears, feelings of anger, frustration, annoyance, confused, happy, excited, hopeful, exhausted… pretty much every feeling possible –  you feel it during your progress. All those feelings help to shape you into the person you are becoming. And that’s a great thing. You will see things a little differently then you did before and on some level have a deeper appreciation for some things. You’ve taken this struggle and you’ve made it your bitch. That’s something to be quite proud of.

Another issue I always struggled with was losing all this weight, but still seeing myself as the size I started at. I would see my progress, I would see physical proof – pictures, scale, clothes, etc., and I still struggled getting it through my mind that I was no longer that size. And it wouldn’t be all the time either, just random spurts. I struggled with my body image for awhile. I reached out to a few people that had lost some el-bees, thinking maybe I was crazy, but it turns out, I wasn’t the only one with this issue. It seemed that there are quite a few people out there that struggle with this distorted self image. That made me feel slightly better. It’s like I knew I had lost all this weight and it’s great, but I didn’t believe this body was actually mine. Like it was just a mirage. You just have to keep reminding yourself of how great you have done and to look at your accomplishments and be proud. There’s always room for improvement if that’s what you seek, but don’t downplay your hard work and not give yourself the credit you deserve. To get here, it took a lot, and you made it. Be proud and keep making goals and reaching them, even if it takes you longer than you had planned. Stick to your plan, look for ways to spice things up – new routines and recipes – keep a positive mindset. You’ll get there.

Unfortunately I had some reproductive part issues that affected my weight and I gained a tremendous amount in a short amount of time. It makes me ridiculously sad thinking about all the hard work I put in to get to where I was and it feels like it was for nothing because I’m back at square one. But I am starting over and I will work through this whole process all over again. I will get my body back, my lifestyle back, no matter what it takes. I finally got my head and heart back in the game, my lady bit problems are in the process of being fixed, and I’m determined to make it. This isn’t going to be easy, feel like the first time around will be the easiest, but like I said, I’m in it for the long haul. Beach Body Beach Body Beach Body!

Here is a picture of my before and after the first time around. Anything is possible with some hard work. This is proof and part of my motivation.

PicsArt_1406664421434  PicsArt_1406664236107  PicsArt_1405274841067

I will post randomly of my progress during this journey and if anyone has any questions, please feel free to reach out! I am an open book and happy to help!

Here’s to you, Body. It’s time to start kickin ass and takin names.


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